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Dear Fiona/Advice Column

 
My wife and I have been arguing a lot lately. At first, I thought it was just the stress of being a mom and a lawyer. But last night, she asked for a divorce. She says he doesn't love me any more and wants to be free. I don’t know if she’s having an affair with someone at work or not. But we have two children, a house with a big mortgage, and two cars. What do I do? How do I tell the kids?

First of all, you do not tell the kids alone. You need to talk, the two of you, and if you are going to separate, you need to both tell your children and do it together. This is extremely important and you and your wife need to talk first. You may be right about any number of the things you are suspecting, but the reality is, she wants out. It is hard when there does not seem to be a reason that you understand. There are obvious financial concerns in this situation, so try and separate out the emotional part from the business part of the marriage. Talk to a therapist about the emotional pieces and a lawyer about the business and financial pieces. I have worked with couples who really cannot afford to divorce. From the emotional perspective, your wife may have been staying angry in order to make it easier to leave. None the less, you are left with moving on in your life as well.

By Dr. Fiona Travis, psychologist, author of Should You Marry a Lawyer?

Kids, a mortgage, two cars and a jealous streak. You didn’t mention love. Do you still love her? Given that you want to know what to tell the kids, it sounds as if you’ve skipped over any possible reconciliation to picking up the pieces. Be honest with your children. No matter how old your kids are, make sure they know you will be there for them.

By Amanda, JD, a California bar advisor

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