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My husband and I have been married five years. He’s a trial lawyer. All the time we’re together, he complains of being tired ... even on the weekends. We don’t have a social life, we don’t have children (he says he doesn’t have time to help raise them), and we don’t have any fun. What do you do when there is no commitment, no connection, no ties; just dead air, and when your spouse refuses to work on anything? Should I continue?

He sounds depressed and if he will not get help, then you will become depressed. This may not have anything to do with his being a trial lawyer, but more about his negative attitude. Besides, depressed trial lawyers are usually not very successful. If this is how he is after five years of marriage, I am not too hopeful of making a happy 25th. The best predictor of future behavior is the history. Is he like others in his family? Brothers or his father? Create a life for yourself and then if he still refuses to participate in it, get any help for his depression, or take any meds, I suggest you put on you running shoes and take off. Run fast and far. You deserve to have fun in your life. By Dr. Fiona Travis, psychologist, author of Should You Marry a Lawyer?				Continue what? You sound miserable. Hubby sounds burned out or depressed. Lawyers learn to prepare for the worst. If bad thing X happens, then how will I draft or litigate around that? Have you described to him what you see as the worst relationship outcomes and asked what, if any, answers he sees? Some things may be negotiable (quality time with you); some things may be deal-breakers (you really want kids and he doesn't). Be direct and firm about your quest for shared solutions. If it turns out you're tilting at windmills, at least you will know that. He may die wishing he'd spent more time at the office. Then again, you might convince him that whatever the problem, love makes it easier to bear. But even love takes work sometimes. If you can't convince him that you're worth it, then redirect your energy. By Amanda, JD, a California bar advisor

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