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To further help you understand how you and the lawyer in your life get along, it is helpful to have another piece of information – your birth order. By that I mean, is one of you a First Born child, and the other a Middle Child? Or is one of you the baby in your family? It should come as no surprise that where you fall in your family birth order, and the role ascribed to you, are significant in understanding your family “scripting.” A script does not necessarily dictate how we move through life, but can be a powerful force that will influence our path.

Together with personality, the subtle issues of the oldest, youngest or middle-child syndrome, combine to give a very clear picture of how these family dynamics can affect your current relationships. In The New Birth Order Book, psychologist Kevin Leman believes that you should seek a marital partner who is the opposite of your own birth order. His favorite pairings are: Only Child/Youngest Child, First Born/Youngest Child, and Middle Child/Youngest Child. The most problematic pairings, he writes, are Only/Only, First Born/First Born, Youngest/Youngest, Early Middle/Early Middle, and Late Middle/Late Middle. There are many combinations that might reflect your own marriage, so keep in mind that no combination is predestined to success or failure. That said, I do believe that knowing more about the respective birth order in your family and your spouse’s family, gives another perspective on why your marriage works the way it does. Here’s how birth-order may affect the lawyer in your life:

First Born lawyers – The First Born has some of the characteristics already described as the lawyer personality. They take charge, they like to win, they are generally goal-oriented, and they like to plan ahead. Usually, the First Born is punctual and organized, and they grow up to be good lawyers. There are some negatives about this birth order as well, and it is not uncommon for a First Born lawyer to be insensitive and moody. If your lawyer is a First Born, anticipate power struggles within the family. And if both of you happen to be opinionated individuals who like to win and to take charge, well, you may encounter some difficulty finding domestic tranquillity.

Middle Child lawyers – Middle Child lawyers are difficult to categorize unless they are one of only three children. Middle Children can be the youngest of the older children, or they may be the oldest of the younger children in a large family. Regardless of family size, though, there are some common similarities of Middle Child lawyers. They are likely to be less rigid and confrontational, and less likely to choose litigation or trial work. Lawyers born in the middle birth position are more likely to be people-pleasers, and may not get the same competitive rush of adrenalin as the First Born. Middle Child lawyers are good team players and although they may treasure a relationship, they still are more comfortable relating intellectually than with the intimacy of feelings. Many Middle Child lawyers are good negotiators and mediators.

Last-Born lawyers – Last Born lawyers appear less serious than their First Born colleagues, but it isn’t always true. Most lawyers believe the law is a serious business, but the Last Born child is generally a bit more frivolous and fun-loving. Last Born lawyers may not be candidates for the prestigious Order of the Coif in law school, but they don’t worry about it either. They often trust that they will succeed professionally and often possess a stronger sense of self. Being more outgoing in general, many lawyers who are the babies in their family hierarchy choose politics because they enjoy the socializing. The First Born may be more politically motivated and driven to the competitive aspect of winning an elected office. The Last Born, on the other hand, may just think it is a lot of fun. The Last Born also seems to have a sense of entitlement, as in, “I have the right to this or that”. There can be an expectation that my needs should be met upon demand. Last Born lawyers born into large families will either have this sense of entitlement having been babied by everyone, or they report having been “lost in the shuffle” of older siblings.

– Excerpt from Should You Marry a Lawyer? A Couple’s Guide to Balancing Work, Love & Ambition, by Fiona Travis, Ph.D.

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